Today I woke up in the worst mood. My throat was killing me, my ears were killing me and Penelope was chirping at the crack of dawn for someone to come and get her. My husband knows I’m sick so I laid there with one eye open hoping that Brent would get up with her. I did that typical woman thing where in my head I told myself that if he was kind enough to get up with her then I would have a total crush on him for the rest of the day. If he didn’t get up with her then he was going on the list… the shit list that is.
He had no idea that the fates were awaiting his decision…
After a few minutes of listening to her cry he rolled over and asked, “What time is it?”
“Oh,” then he rolled back over and snuggled under the covers again.
I rolled my eyes and pulled myself out of bed floundering around to find my glasses. Then, I heard him say, “Are you feeling better?” Hope welled up in my chest. Maybe he would give me a break!
“No,” I said in my most pathetic scratchy voice.
“Oh…” he said and he rolled back over again.
Brent slept for another hour while I made the girls breakfast. Apparently, Penelope was in a shitty mood too because she started whining instantly. When Brent came down stairs the counter top that he had cleaned off the night before was cluttered with an open canister of oatmeal, a box of raisins and some measuring spoons. As he cleaned them up for me he huffed around and complained about the mess I had made.
In that moment the inner bitch I was trying to harbor was beginning to break free. She wasn’t completely out of my grasp so she showed herself in passive aggressive one word answers, huffy breaths and dirty looks aimed towards his back. It would have lasted all day if I were a grudge holder but unfortunately I don’t have that sort of emotional tenacity.
I had to take Bridget to school earlier than usual to see if I could exchange a book I bought her at the book fair and when I asked him if he could keep Penelope while I did that he once again gave the wrong answer. The bitch made another ugly appearance only this time there was no passive about her aggressive.
He ended up keeping her but I was pretty sure I was beyond any possible good mood after our exchange.
When I got home I confessed that not only was I feeling like poop but I had gained a good 5 pounds over the week. That’s when he said, “And you’re about to start your period.”
Normally this would really piss me off but instead I could feel the hope make its reappearance as I said, “You think?!”
In that strange moment I had a crush on him all over again. There are so many times when my husband says the wrong things but in that instant he said the wrong thing at the right time because he let me off the hook for gaining weight this week.
When I had stepped on the scale this morning it read 189.8. I couldn’t believe my eyes. There’s no way I did that much damage. Sure, I had a wine night with my friend on Monday… and I may have gobbled up a million pumpkin spiced almonds… and I may have had a pumpkin spiced latte or two… and I didn’t work out all week. But I was sick! What was I supposed to do? Eat HEALTHY???
So while I ponder on that for a bit, I’m going to get in my pajamas again and heat up a nice cup of throat soothing tea.