Yeah… so I dropped the whole numbering the weeks thing. I realized I’m always going to be on this journey so it doesn’t really make sense to number them. Anyway, when I stepped on the scale today I weighed in at 184.2.
The candy bulge from Halloween is gone! Yay! Now I have to hurry up and get a head start before the turkey bulge takes its place.
This week has been incredibly busy and incredibly exciting at the same time. I’m at a turning point in my life and instead of feeling fear of the unknown I’m feeling confident about what I have in store for my future. That being said, I’ve spent the majority of the week stalking people…
You see, I’m responsible for placing myself for student teaching. This is a really frustrating process because it requires a lot of waiting on other people who could care less that you don’t graduate if they don’t get back to you. Therefore, I got aggressive. I bombarded HR departments, principals and teachers with emails that were carefully worded to show them how badly I needed to get placed without sounding desperate…
even though I was.
I’ve woken up at 4:30 every morning and spent every free second I had while Penelope was sleeping stalking these people. That meant my blogging time was taken up. Sorry for that.
Anyway, I think I finally found a teacher who is willing to take me on. I’m just waiting for confirmation from the principal. YAY! The funny thing about that was that of all of the emails that I had sent out, her’s was the only one I screwed up. I spent hours trying to make sure that the emails I sent out were perfect. I would copy and paste aspects of some of the letters I had already written customizing them for whoever I was writing to at the moment. Well, in my fried brain state I forgot to swap out the name of the person I was addressing. Right after I sent it I noticed the mistake and there was a resounding “NOOOOOOOOOO!” that echoed through my house.
I immediately wrote her back, dropped the professional speak and confessed that I was desperate and my brain was fried and that I was SO SORRY. That’s when she said she would do it. Wait. What?
I know… already love her a little bit.
By the end of the day I realized that in my hurried state the only thing that I had consumed all day long was coffee. That’s when I went to Sonic on my way to pick Bridget up from school and scarfed down a grilled cheese wacky pack. Not my finest moment.
Throughout all of this hunting another interesting opportunity arose. I had sent out a student teaching inquiry to the school of my dreams. I mean, it’s the kind of school that teachers go to when they die and go to heaven. I got an email back immediately from the principal telling me that they don’t take on student teachers but that he would “be eager” to meet with me. (Yes, I totally read into that.) In my inquiry I had sent my resume and my unofficial transcripts. I have a 3.78 GPA you know. I’m not bragging or anything… okay, maybe I am a little. Long story short, I have a meeting with him on Dec. 5th and I could pee my pants I’m so excited!
Then, something struck me. What if he Googles me??? Do you know what he’s going to find!?
He’s going to see my post about the tacos that somehow turned slutty. And the time I thought my pepper plant looked like it had a weiner (damn, I misspelled it again.) And the fat pictures…. OH THE FAT PICTURES! There is just so much inappropriate found in the “pages” of this blog.
This is the equivalent of walking into a job interview in my sweat pants with mascara smudged under my eyes. Then offering the principal a glass of wine, propping my feet onto his desk and reading aloud the pages of my diary for his listening pleasure. In my attempt at being transparent for the benefit of my readers I’ve exposed every insecurity and every flaw that I have. Not exactly the kind of stuff you want to present on a job interview.
Sure this blog shows my strengths too. My determination, my heart, my passion but will he see that beyond all of the blatant honesty?!
Now I feel like I’m at a crossroads. When I’m a teacher I become a public figure. Personally, I can let the walls down and choose not to have a filter but as a teacher you need to have a very strong filter. There is no way I would say the things I’ve said in this blog in a classroom… or even on campus. That means there might come a time when I have to give this blog up and not only give it up but erase it completely.
The ups and downs of an entire year of my life gone. That’s so sad.
I’m weighing my options. I talked about this with my brother-in law who is the director of communications of an amazing university. I asked him if he would hire me after seeing what I’ve written. He said yes, he doesn’t want me to get rid of the blog but he sees my reservations. So I’m still mulling it over.
You see, if I have to choose between being a teacher and this blog I’m going to have to choose teaching. I love this blog and I love to write but I have to teach. It was just something I was born to do. The way that I connect to my readers is very similar to the way I connect to my students.
I’ve seen the down sides of education, I’ve been trapped in them myself. I’ve had experienced teachers mock me for my enthusiasm because they were so beat down by the inefficiency of the education system and the hard economic times. They would say things like, “Just you wait, you won’t be so chipper about it later.”
If teachers feel this way then how do you think the students feel? I feel like somebody has to have their interests at heart despite the challenges that must be faced in order to do that. And yeah I might be idealistic to think that I can bring enlightenment in dark times but isn’t that a teacher’s job?! Don’t those students deserve a little light at the end of the tunnel?
I feel like it’s my calling to help students hone the individual gifts that lie hidden beyond the standardized tests. To show them that they are special and unique in their own right and that NOBODY has the right to tell them if they can or cannot succeed because that decision is reserved for them… and them alone.
I day dream about the lessons I want to teach and I get teary eyed with I think about how badly I want to make a difference… I know! I’m such a weirdo! I just can’t help it.
Like I said, I don’t know what lies ahead for this blog. I would feel bad for deserting the friends that I have made and the community that has been built. Plus, I would probably resort to talking to myself in the car and in the bathroom mirror if I couldn’t get these things off of my chest in written form.
Who am I kidding? I do that anyway.
What do you guys think? Maybe I could clean up my act a bit… but where’s the fun in that?