Things are getting crazy around here and I may or may not have lost my mind a little bit.
I’ve been busy mulling over major life decisions and eating my way through it. My summer fun has been interrupted by the real world task of job hunting. As I went from interview to interview I grappled with the decision on whether I was ready to become a full-time employee instead of being a full-time mom. I’ve actually been quite emotional about it.
Every time Penelope would say something cute I would just squeeze her and think, “I don’t want to miss out on all of this while you’re still little!” Within the same ten minute time span she would throw a colossal temper tantrum and I would think,”Yep, I’m ready. Can I start now?”
It’s so conflicting… being a mom.
A part of me is ready for the extra income and the pride of starting my career for the long-term. But a part of me also wants to stay at home with my little one until I’m forced to part with her when it’s her time to go to school.
Brent and I have been going back and forth on the subject for the entire week.
Then something amazing happened. I got a job offer!
And then something even crazier happened…
I turned it down.
I turned down the opportunity to have my very own classroom at a great school because I didn’t like the commute. Instead I took up an offer to work as a long term sub at a school that I could ride my bike to instead. I made this decision because I liked the people, I liked the school and I liked the prospect of rolling up to work on my cruiser bike. Also because it pulled a little less on my maternal heart strings.
A part of me wonders if I’ve lost my mind but another part is really excited about the decision that I’ve made.
Saying no to a full-time job was incredibly hard for me. It was harder than I had expected. I wanted it so bad but in a weird way it just felt wrong. I had no idea that the process would make me so crazy. With all of the uncertainty out of the picture I feel more comfortable moving on. I didn’t know that I was waiting for a decision to be made before I fully embraced this moment in my life.
Now that I’ve got all of that uncertainty out of the way I can move on with the rest of my life and quit drinking wine and watching trash tv late at night in an attempt to get myself out of my “I DON’T KNOW WHAT I’M DOING WITH MY LIFE!” funk.
I didn’t work out once this week (other than the occasional bike ride) and there was one evening when I drank half a bottle of red wine and inhaled half a block of cheese while I got sucked into the world of Game of Thrones.
I had no idea what kind of damage I did throughout the week until I got up this morning to step on the scale. It read 188.4. What the hell Nina!!! Why can’t you be one of those weirdos who lose weight when they’re stressed out? I was actually really mad at myself. But then before I got a chance to wallow in my newly inflated fat cells the girls woke up and I had to get rolling with the rest of my day.
I dropped Bridget off at swim practice and went on a nice long bike ride with Penelope. Then after swim practice was over the girls hung out in the backyard while I tended the garden.
Before I knew it I was in my happy place again.
So I guess we can say that my six week challenge sucked. It’s not officially over until next week but I’ve pretty much screwed myself on that whole thing. I’m on the fence on whether to beat myself up over it or not. I’m thinking NOT because I tend to console any abuse that I withstand with ice cream. I also medicate feelings of guilt and inadequacy with ice cream too. That’s a bit counter productive, so I guess that just leaves me with one option… get over it.
Basically, I just have to accept the fact that my six week challenge has pretty much turned into a whole summer challenge. I want to lose about twenty pounds before the school year rolls around. I want to be in a fit and healthy place before I add working into the mix. Weight loss is such a mind game and I’ve really sucked at it lately.
I just need to embrace this time and place in my life as a time to eat yummy healthy food and play outside. It could seriously be worse. That being said, my weekly weigh-ins are going to continue until I reach approximately 165 pounds. That’s my healthy weight…
How did you guys do? Please tell me you did better than me.