Week 27 Weigh-in

Guess what… it’s another resolution day! I pick these things at random through out the year. Some of my favorite resolution days include Daylight Savings Time, Halloween, New Year’s Day… Wednesday. It doesn’t matter really, it’s just a time when I decide to clean up my act a bit. I’ll do great for a while and then start to screw up again and that’s when the next resolution day is triggered into action.

When I first started writing this blog I was in a place of desperation. I was suffering from postpartum depression (even though I didn’t know it) and I was so uncomfortable in all aspects that my skin was just crawling. I’m not like that anymore. In fact, I am super comfortable… maybe too comfortable.

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I’m under the delusional influence of It’s-summer-time-and-I’ll-live-in-my-bathing-suit-if-I-want-to-itis. If you don’t like it avert your eyes. If you like it too much, once again, avert your eyes… that’s creepy.

However, there is something to be said about desperation, it gets shit done. Since June rolled around and I was thrown into full summer fun speed I’ve neglected all aspects of trying to lose weight. Sure, I’ve eaten healthy stuff like this…

Sautéed shrimp on top of cauliflower rice with berries and roasted asparagus.
Sautéed shrimp on top of cauliflower rice with berries and roasted asparagus.

But I’ve also had a lot of this…

Fourth of July Feast
Fourth of July Feast

…and beer, lots of beer.

I’m glad I’m feeling great in my skin it’s a great place to be and a major milestone for getting healthy. But just because you feel healthy it doesn’t mean that you are healthy. I’m still in need of some weight loss. Let’s face it eating healthy and working out is not a prison sentence. (Even though your pouty inner fat kid may think so.) It actually feels quite good and it just makes you feel even better about life in general and how you’re living it.

This morning when I woke up I hopped on the scale to see what the damage was from yet another week of just doing what I wanted. It said… 192.0. To be honest I’m glad. I’ve pretty much had a “free day” for the past month and I’ve only fluctuated around three pounds. This means my body is in a healthy state. My metabolism is humming and it has proven that when it comes time to maintain I won’t have any problems. But like I said, there is still work that has to be done.

So here we go, resolution day begins…

By resolution I mean that I’m going to refocus on the task at hand and see how much weight I can lose by August 20th, my birthday. It might be a little and it might be a lot. I’m not in a race. I’m not going to resort to desperate methods. I’m just dedicating this time to focus on being super healthy by eating really clean and working out to improve my strength and endurance.

I feel like short spurts of focus are much healthier for me mentally. I’m trying to avoid that obsessive mental state that you can get sucked into when you start “dieting”. It’s a slippery slope that can lead to a negative way of looking at yourself.

So here we go… wish me luck!

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Bouncing Back After Baby

I have simply been in the best mood lately. After looking back at my past few posts I kind of want to punch myself in the mouth. You can only handle so much pep, you know?

Mother Nature must have felt the same way because she took my sunshine away…

Maysnow

It still didn’t really do anything to dampen my mood. It’s strange really.

I think this might be because I’ve been taking a saffron extract supplement lately. I decided to do this after I did some research on it and found that it can help with depression and anxiety.

saffron extract

It’s also supposed to cut down on your cravings so you tend to eat less. This makes sense because when I’m depressed I self medicate with ice cream and junior mints… and pretty much anything else that I can fit into my mouth.

But that whole appetite suppressant thing didn’t really work last night when I broke into the left over Girl Scout cookies sitting in my garage. (Looking back I think I forgot to take it.) I don’t know what came over me. Penelope was whining, Bridget was having a preteen meltdown and I needed cookies. I didn’t over do it, which is good. Instead of eating an entire box I ate three cookies.

This is also REALLY good considering I’ve been alone with the girls 6 out of the past 8 days. The fact that I survived that alone is a testament to how good of a mood I’ve been in. I didn’t even want to bang my head against the kitchen counters or drink copious amounts of wine.

This morning after I dropped Bridget off at school I headed to the gym to do a little cardio before Brent got home. I kind of lost track of the time because I was too busy jamming out to pay attention. Before I knew it I had been on the elliptical machine for an hour and had supposedly burned 700 calories.

elliptical

My crossfit friends would totally make fun of me for it… “Christy just checked in at Globo Gym. I totally think she does the elliptical machine… eew.”

( I know I’ve already posted this video but I just love it so much!)

After I got home Brent was waiting to snuggle with Penelope. I gave him a kiss and pretty much said, “Umm, so you’ve got this right?” and ran out the door minus the baby for some much needed alone time.

I’m such a dork. When I find a moment of freedom I head for the book store to drink hot blueberry green tea and read fitness magazines… and a little bit of gossip.

mags

Apparently, the world is very concerned about how fat Kim Kardashion’s armpit has gotten… poor girl.

Another reason to only aspire to be rich and anonymous.

This past summer shortly after having Penelope I was sitting in the exact same spot drinking a much more fattening drink. I was suffering from post-partum depression (even though I didn’t know it at the time). That day I had pretty much run out of the house crying because I felt awful about myself.  I just needed a moment to be by myself so that I could drown my sorrows in a sugar coffee. That’s when I came across this picture of Jessica Simpson…

jess

Initially, I felt really bad for her. The media can be so cruel. At the same time I loved her because she looked just like me. I texted this photo to Brent with the caption… “Okay, I don’t feel so bad now.”

You see Jessica and I have a connection because we could practically be twins… Bridget said so.

It was 2003 and I had just lost all of my baby weight. I was waiting in line at the grocery store and Jessica Simpson was on the cover of one of the magazines. Bridget reached out, pointed at her picture and said, “Mommy!” I just grinned and said, “Yep, sure is.”

It just goes to show how beautiful you are in your children’s eyes. If only we looked at ourselves through the same lens.

The moral of the story? Be nice to yourself… even if you did break into that box of Girl Scout cookies. It’s just payment for the hours spent helping your kid sell them 😉

Do you take any nutritional supplements? What do you think of them?

Kellfire

Yesterday was kind of rough. Penelope has a cold and Brent was working so that means that mommy didn’t get to go to the gym.

After I put Penelope to bed I was exhausted even though I had barely left the house. I hadn’t been able to take a shower or clean my house. I just kind of felt like a failure for being able to accomplish nothing but keeping my infant alive.

I wanted to sit down on the couch and get lost in some sort of mindless tv while I ate a pint of ice cream. I couldn’t though, I had a few emails I needed to check for school but as a habit I got on Facebook. As soon as I logged on this picture was the first thing I saw…

kellfire

My initial reaction was… “Great! Another muscled up hot chick who can feel free to fling her hair around in reckless abandon to show off her six-pack abs because she’s never had the pleasure of encountering pregnancy induced hemroids.”

Even though the picture kind of pissed me off I stared anyway. Then I saw the name of the Facebook page advertising this photo… Kellfire.

Holy Crap, that’s my friend Kelly! I didn’t recognize her because she’s usually got her hair awkwardly sticking out of headgear while she’s practicing jujitsu with the fighters at Factory X.

She and her husband own Performance MMA and Performance Labs where she offers personal training and nutrition counseling. Oh… and she has three boys. So, I was totally off on that whole reckless abandon thing. I have always idolized her simply because she chases after her goals without fear and somehow manages to run businesses and raise three kids at the same time.

I knew she was fit but… DAMN!

Kelly and I met about four years ago when we did Muay Thai together at Factory X. We partnered up a lot to hold pads and became quick friends. That is until she asked to be my Facebook friend and I discovered that this was her profile picture…

mean kelly

At that moment I wasn’t so sure I wanted to hold pads for her anymore. Just to give you an idea, this is what my profile picture looked like at the time…

cupcakes

“You guys want some cupcakes?”

Over time I got to know Kelly even better and discovered that she was pretty awesome. She’s written a book about working out during pregnancy and she did her best to help me while I was pregnant. She would send my husband sneaky recipes to try to get me to keep eating protein since I was too sick  to eat anything of nutritional value. She also taught a cardio kickboxing class that I went to until my uterus got too big.

After I had Penelope I was a mess. I was trying to breastfeed but I was having so many complications from the hormonal imbalances from just giving birth and PCOS. I wanted to lose weight but was scared of what that might do to my milk supply. Kelly breastfed all three of her boys so I turned to her for constant advice.

During this time she created a meal plan for me. Once a week she emailed me a list of recipes and types of foods. She told me what to eat and when to eat it. When she works with a client she gathers all of your information and measurements, including when you get your period and she develops plans meant just for you. She keeps constant council with you and makes adjustments accordingly.

She provided me the meal plan and the tools I needed to be successful and I got down to 203 shortly after. (Two pounds lower than I am today after two months of weight loss blogging.)

But I wasn’t ready for it. I was suffering from a significant dose of postpartum depression and I couldn’t seem to wrap my head around anything. I felt ashamed and overwhelmed.

I stopped doing what Kelly was telling me to do and I felt like I was the worst friend ever. She had put in so much work and invested so much interest to my success. All that she wanted was for me to believe in myself… but I just couldn’t do it.

Obviously, things have changed. If you look through the first posts of this blog you can see me still struggling. The hardest part about weight loss is the mental aspect. If you aren’t mentally prepared it’s not going to work. A lot of the time people feel like they’ve failed when they struggle. It’s important to realise that this is part of the whole process. Struggling is part of the journey. If you accept your short comings and refuse to give up despite them then you are destined for success.

What I’ve discovered is that when you screw up it isn’t the picking yourself up part that is hard. It’s laying on the ground acknowledging that you just fell that sucks the most. You can awkwardly lay there and hope that nobody noticed your trip up or you can simply acknowledge it, have a laugh and get up knowing that it won’t be the last time that you fall.

I feel like I am finally mentally ready for the changes that are taking place. Does that mean I won’t screw up? No. I’m gonna screw up but I’ll be okay with it and carry on.

You can tell when I have used the methods Kelly has taught me because that is when I have good weigh-ins.

Every time I get lazy and try to find an easier way and stray, my weight stays stagnant.

I mean, the woman knows what she is talking about…

sexy kelly

She works with the professional fighters at Factory X to help them cut weight for their fights without losing their muscle mass. But her favorite clients are the moms who are looking to find themselves again.

She loves helping women find their strength, not only on the outside but on the inside too. She gets a thrill out of helping someone realise what they are capable of.

After seeing Kelly’s Kellfire facebook page and looking at her hottie pictures I had a renewed sense of motivation.

I went into the bathroom and ripped off my shirt before getting in the shower. I looked passed the smudged mascara and dirty hair and I flexed my muscles… and I saw her. That girl who is waiting to come out.

As the steam covered my reflection in the mirror I knew that somewhere underneath the stretch marks and fluffy skin that I’ve got a six-pack just like Kelly’s. She believes it is possible to uncover so why shouldn’t I?

I asked Kelly if she could provide her services at a distance just in case any of you were interested and she said that she could definitely do that.

So there you have it folks. If you are looking for someone to light a fire under your ass she’s your gal… Kellfire.

You can find out more information about her at theperformancelabs.com. You can also check out my very first failed attempt at a weight loss blog on her site 😉

Call me crazy because here I am trying again… so goes the theme of my life.

See you tomorrow on weigh-in day!

Oh God, What Did I Just Do?

reunion

Writing a blog as been the most self-absorbed thing I’ve ever done. When it first started out I had no intentions of sharing it. In fact, if my husband would happen to walk by while I was working on it I would quickly click to something else as if I was afraid of being caught looking at something naughty.

After my weigh in on Christmas Day I had a break down. My husband who had been working over the holidays came home to a teary eyed mess and had no idea what had transpired since he had left for work. He went back to work on New Year’s Eve and my oldest daughter had a sleepover at a friend’s house. That night Penelope decided to go to bed at 6:30 and for the first time in a while I was left alone with nothing to do. I was looking at the photos that I had posted up and decided that drastic times called for drastic measures.

Before I knew what I was doing I was composing the following message…

Hi Friends,

 I have to warn you that I’m about to get kind of weird on you. Facebook as we know is kind of a strange thing because with the click of a mouse we can peek into the lives of friends or acquaintances. In the process of sharing tidbits of life people fall into the trap of over sharing. And that is precisely what I’m about to do…

As many of you know I had a baby this past year. After giving birth I suffered from a pretty big dose of postpartum depression. On top of that I suffer from a condition called PCOS which has a bunch of awesome side effects but the best one of all is weight gain. I’ve really struggled this year to get my mind and body together and through all of this I have finally found the light at the end of the tunnel.

Most of you don’t know this but I went to school to become a writer. One of my dreams is to be able to make a living as a freelance writer but I’ve never known how to get my work out there. I’ve always thought it would be cool to be a blogger but I’m not an expert on anything. While struggling to lose weight it hit me. I should write a weight loss blog. (Just to make things clear this is not a New Year’s resolution thing.) I’ve been working on it since November and I find it entirely inconvenient that I’ve finally pulled it together at this moment in time.

The reason I’m writing you is because I need your support. I want you to read my blog. Some of you are close friends and some of you are acquaintances but you are my preferred audience. If you like it, keep reading. If you find this message really awkward, we’ll pretend like this never happened. Just be warned that I’m letting it all hang out…literally. This is still in the rough stages but I’m hoping with your support I will become successful in more ways than one.

Thanks, Nina

I picked a selection of friends who I thought might go easy on me. My eyes started to well up and before I could chicken out I hit the send button. This was the equivalent of walking into my high school reunion butt naked and saying, “Hey guys! Check this out!”

After I sent it I sat there and cried and thought, “Oh God, what did I just do?” Then the first message popped up and then the next and the support I got was incredible. I stopped crying and started laughing. Before I knew what was happening people I didn’t know were reading it and commenting on it. One of my high school friends, Becca, knows a successful weight loss blogger, Skinny Hollie. Becca had sent her my blog and asked her to mentor me throughout this process. Hollie told me to get a facebook page and a twitter account. Before I knew it, the blog had blown up.

I feel like I’m going through some sort of metamorphosis. It’s terrifying and thrilling and painful all at the same time. It’s officially a turning point in my life. It’s also exhausting. I will be struck by a moment of genius and will want to share it with you guys. Then I have to contend with a teething baby who is underfoot and on some sort of kamikaze mission to fall down the stairs, an emotional preteen and an over worked husband. I’m getting my master’s degree and my classes resume on Monday. I’ve got a ton of laundry to do, not to mention grocery shopping and finding time to workout.

It’s a challenge, so please bare with me as I try to find balance in this whole blogging world, which I find to be surreal and bazaar. I’m warning you, there will be typos, I suck at spelling and I still haven’t figured out how to make my blog look the way I want. I’m just asking you to be patient because I’m just kind of figuring this out as I go.