Week 5 Weigh-in and Some Life Decisions

Things are getting crazy around here and I may or may not have lost my mind a little bit.

I’ve been busy mulling over major life decisions and eating my way through it. My summer fun has been interrupted by the real world task of job hunting. As I went from interview to interview I grappled with the decision on whether I was ready to become a full-time employee instead of being a full-time mom. I’ve actually been quite emotional about it.

Every time Penelope would say something cute I would just squeeze her and think, “I don’t want to miss out on all of this while you’re still little!” Within the same ten minute time span she would throw a colossal temper tantrum and I would think,”Yep, I’m ready. Can I start now?”

It’s so conflicting… being a mom.

A part of me is ready for the extra income and the pride of starting my career for the long-term. But a part of me also wants to stay at home with my little one until I’m forced to part with her when it’s her time to go to school.

Brent and I have been going back and forth on the subject for the entire week.

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Then something amazing happened. I got a job offer!

And then something even crazier happened…

I turned it down.

I turned down the opportunity to have my very own classroom at a great school because I didn’t like the commute. Instead I took up an offer to work as a long term sub at a school that I could ride my bike to instead. I made this decision because I liked the people, I liked the school and I liked the prospect of rolling up to work on my cruiser bike. Also because it pulled a little less on my maternal heart strings.

A part of me wonders if I’ve lost my mind but another part is really excited about the decision that I’ve made.

Saying no to a full-time job was incredibly hard for me. It was harder than I had expected. I wanted it so bad but in a weird way it just felt wrong. I had no idea that the process would make me so crazy. With all of the uncertainty out of the picture I feel more comfortable moving on. I didn’t know that I was waiting for a decision to be made before I fully embraced this moment in my life.

Now that I’ve got all of that uncertainty out of the way I can move on with the rest of my life and quit drinking wine and watching trash tv late at night in an attempt to get myself out of my “I DON’T KNOW WHAT I’M DOING WITH MY LIFE!” funk.

I didn’t work out once this week (other than the occasional bike ride) and there was one evening when I drank half a bottle of red wine and inhaled half a block of cheese while I got sucked into the world of Game of Thrones.

I had no idea what kind of damage I did throughout the week until I got up this morning to step on the scale. It read 188.4. What the hell Nina!!! Why can’t you be one of those weirdos who lose weight when they’re stressed out? I was actually really mad at myself. But then before I got a chance to wallow in my newly inflated fat cells the girls woke up and I had to get rolling with the rest of my day.

I dropped Bridget off at swim practice and went on a nice long bike ride with Penelope. Then after swim practice was over the girls hung out in the backyard while I tended the garden.

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Before I knew it I was in my happy place again.

So I guess we can say that my six week challenge sucked. It’s not officially over until next week but I’ve pretty much screwed myself on that whole thing. I’m on the fence on whether to beat myself up over it or not. I’m thinking NOT because I tend to console any abuse that I withstand with ice cream. I also medicate feelings of guilt and inadequacy with ice cream too. That’s a bit counter productive, so I guess that just leaves me with one option… get over it.

Basically, I just have to accept the fact that my six week challenge has pretty much turned into a whole summer challenge. I want to lose about twenty pounds before the school year rolls around. I want to be in a fit and healthy place before I add working into the mix. Weight loss is such a mind game and I’ve really sucked at it lately.

I just need to embrace this time and place in my life as a time to eat yummy healthy food and play outside. It could seriously be worse. That being said, my weekly weigh-ins are going to continue until I reach approximately 165 pounds. That’s my healthy weight…

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How did you guys do? Please tell me you did better than me.

 

Summer Shape Up Week Three Weigh-in

Summer is officially here… I can smell it.

There is a particular tree in Colorado that perfumes the air during the very beginning of summer. I love it so much I try not to plan any trips during the first of June because I don’t want to miss it. It’s not a constant smell but a sweet scent that floats on the breeze and greets you when you least expect it. It’s one of my favorite things about summer. It goes along with the smell of fresh cut grass, coconut scented suntan lotion and charcoal burning on a grill.

This week the season of summer took off in full force making it a very eventful week.

On Tuesday I spent the day at Elitch Gardens with the 8th graders that I had taught this past semester while I completed my student teaching. Before I left I had told the kids that I would come on this particular day and ride rides with them. It had almost been a month since I had seen them and I started to have second thoughts on just showing up at the school, sunblock in hand, ready to crash their end of year party. When I left my class my students seemed genuinely sad to see me go. But I was sure that they had probably forgotten all about me and would think I was a weirdo for wanting to ride rides with them.

However, upon arrival I was pleasantly surprised to see their faces light up when they saw me in the hall that morning. Several of them ran up to me and hugged me letting me know that I was indeed missed. It was nice to know that the feeling was mutual. I’m pretty sure my heart grew three sizes that day. After spending the day at the amusement park riding every scary ride the park provided I came home exhausted. We ended up eating frozen pizza that night because I was too tired to cook. I hadn’t eaten anything for lunch that day other than a fruit cup that cost me five bucks because I was sure all of the other options would make me sick after riding all of those rides. I couldn’t believe how sore I was, both my muscles and my throat from screaming.

On Wednesday Bridget graduated from 6th grade making her an official middle schooler. I woke up super early in order to doll her up for her big day. Isn’t she beautiful? I just love that girl!

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I can’t believe how grown up she has gotten! I feel like it was just yesterday that she was starting elementary school.

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Before I know it Penelope will be just as grown up and then I will have to have a mental breakdown.

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During Bridget’s continuation ceremony Penelope got a little restless so Brent had to take her outside to play for a little while. When she came back to sit in my lap she was holding a sandy little twig that she kept calling “woohm”. I just giggled and whispered, “Yeah that does kind of look like a worm.”

That’s when Brent looked at me with a sheepish grin and said, “Well, actually… it is a worm.”

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A crusty dried up worm… YUCK!

That’s what I get for trying to introduce her to nature through gardening. I’ve taught her that worms are our friends. I didn’t think she would take it quite so literally. That being said, Penelope has turned out to be quite the gardening partner. Every morning when we go out to water our plants I will tell her which vegetables we are growing. She’ll repeat after me and then say “Ohhh…. it’s so nummy!” I hope she’s just as enthusiastic about our vegetables when they are actually on her plate.

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The one thing all of us are super excited about is the abundance of strawberries that are ripening in our strawberry patch as we speak!

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Since Bridget was officially out of school we’ve spent the remainder of the week frolicking. We bought our pool passes…

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and we’ve gone to the Littleton Museum to see our farm animal friends and to check out the gardens.

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We’ve also spent several mornings sneaking out at the crack of dawn riding our bikes to the coffee shop. Penelope has discovered that the rocks that they use for landscaping provide the perfect impromptu sidewalk chalk…

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And I have learned that I am fully capable of drinking iced coffee without sugar. That’s a big deal… that’s like Lindsay Lohan discovering that she is capable of having fun without ending up in rehab.

Now looking back at it we did manage to do a lot this week. This explains the massive amount of fatigue I’ve been struggling with. Maybe there is just too much day light in the day for me to handle. This week felt like a whirlwind. On top of trying to live it up with the kids I’ve been applying for jobs and secretly stressing over whether I will actually have a teaching job this coming fall.

The only working out I did was via the frolicking that took place during the day because like I said I was so tired. On Monday I was so tired, in fact, I felt like I could hardly get out of bed. I had the worst headache and I felt dizzy and nauseous. I have no idea what my problem was but it eventually passed. Since I was so tired and dizzy I just ate what made me feel better versus what I had planned on eating in an attempt to lose weight. It must have been a bug because Bridget felt the same way the next day.

Therefore, there was no attempt whatsoever to lose weight this week. I feel like such a poser…

I was really dreading stepping on the scale this morning. You can always tell when I feel this way if I ramble on about my kids and the cute things I’ve done with them on weigh-in day. That’s my way of stalling while I curse myself for writing this stupid weight loss blog.

When I woke up this morning I was certain I had gained weight due to my lack of effort this week but was surprised to see that I weighed exactly the same as I did last week… right down to the ounce, 184.2.

The reason I was cursing myself was because I was mad about the commitment I’ve made to try to be healthy. I was mad at my audacity of broadcasting every struggle I have with losing weight to the world. When things get tough I have a tendency to get defensive and proclaim the challenge at hand as stupid. I keep telling myself, “Nobody cares what you weigh Nina. Why do you keep broadcasting it?”

Sometimes I feel completely self involved when I sit down to write a post, it’s embarrassing. Being a weight loss blogger isn’t always easy, sometimes you just want to say, “Screw it! I do what I want!”

This is an everyday struggle that will remain for the rest of my life. It’s something we all go through but the difference is I’ve invited you all to watch me flounder around. This isn’t natural. When people lose weight they are supposed to have the internal struggle over eating peanut butter cups in private and when they win the battle they just show up at some event looking radiant.

Then when everyone asks them how they did it they can just smile and lie and tell them that it was simple.

I want to lie… I want to portray that effortless image!

But I can’t because if I did you would be able to see through all of my B.S. so the best thing I can do is call myself out when it comes to shenanigans. This is a secret blessing because in a sense I’m being forced to be honest with myself.  Sometimes you just have to kick your own ass. So guess what this coming week is going to entail…

Six Week Challenge Week Two Weigh-in

You know what today is… weigh-in day!

Normally this would be said with fake enthusiasm while my inner snarky self stuck her tongue out at the scale sitting on the floor. But in reality I’m feeling pretty good about it today. The numbers are never all that great but for some reason I look forward to seeing what kind of progress I’ve made.

Per usual I stripped down and peed first thing in the morning to prepare for the main event. (I don’t need socks weighing me down you know.) Unfortunately, I’ve eaten a ton of asparagus lately so this wasn’t all that pleasant of an experience…

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Asparagus pee… a phenomenon I could easily live without.

I checked out my muscles as I reached for the scale to put it on the floor and took a moment to admire my tan line. Not bad. Then I stepped on the scale and it read 184.2. Then I stepped off and stepped on again because surely I lost a bit more than that. In my head I was aiming for 183 point something. But the scale didn’t budge. It was definitely 184.2. This is 1.2 pound weight loss from last week. I would really like to get out of the 180’s some time soon so I’m a little bit bothered by that number.

After I got dressed I went down stairs where I made my daughter take my bi-weekly pictures in a full arm cast.  She had a hard time taking the pictures with one hand so they came out a bit uneven. Here’s the comparison from the beginning of the Six Week Summer Shape up to now (two weeks total):

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(Keep in mind I have an injured 11 year old as my photographer.)

Measurements:

Bust- 43 in.—42 in.

Chest- 36 in—36 in.

Waist- 36 in.— 34.5 in

Hips- 45 in.—43.5 in

Thighs- 25.5 in.—25 in

Arms- 13.5 in.—13 in

Total Inches Lost- 5

Total Pounds Lost- 4

So far I’m off to a good start for this whole Summer Shape Up Six Week Challenge. Although, I kind of wish I didn’t name it that. That’s an obnoxiously long title for a simple challenge.  Every time I go to type it out I have to double check that this is what I actually called it. It gets on my nerves in the same way that the word supercalifragilisticexpialidocious does. I hate that word… it just bugs me.

It’s not that I’m a Mary Poppins hater or anything… Well, come to think of it, who get’s away with eating spoons full of sugar and then manages to be light enough to float away with an umbrella?

I digress… the point is I feel good. Eating healthy and working out always does this to me. It doesn’t matter how much I weigh, if I take the time to take care of myself I always feel better for it. If you are participating in the challenge I hope you are feeling good too because that’s the whole point of the process.

Welp, I’m off to go tend my garden (in my bathing suit). I’ve got plants to water and sunflowers to plant. Feel sorry for whoever so happens to peek over my fence when I bend over to dig in the dirt. I say if they insist on being a creeper then they get what they deserve 🙂

Hope you all have a great Memorial weekend. Don’t forget to tell me how your progress is going!

Six Week Challenge Week one Weigh-in

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It’s weigh-in day… an official one.

This is the first week of the Summer Shape Up Six Week Challenge and I started off weighing 188.2. Today I stepped on the scale and weighed in at 185.4. That’s a total of 2.8 pounds so far.

I haven’t done this in quite some time. I’ve sporadically told you how much I weigh but I haven’t had official weigh-ins since before I did my student teaching. (In fact, my weigh-ins and measurements page needs a serious makeover.)

I’m feeling pretty good about the progress. It turns out I deadlifted my body weight the other day when I was lifting with Brent. The most I’ve deadlifted was 215 but that was when I was lifting weights every week, so I felt pretty good about that number considering I haven’t lifted anything for the past 4 months. My goal is to keep losing weight on my body and adding weight on the bar. I’m actually surprised at how fast your body can change. I’ve noticed this phenomenon during the holidays when the sudden change isn’t a good one. But I’ve never acknowledged how fast positive changes can happen too. I guess I’ve always just been too impatient to notice.

In just the past two weeks I’ve already begun the journey to building my strength back up again. I can tell a difference in the way I walk even. Running has gone from a struggling feet dragging plod to a confident smooth stride. I even did sprints with my husband yesterday and I wasn’t too far behind him in time. In fact, it felt really good to push myself and run as fast as I could. It reminded me of my old soccer days.

I’ve gotten exercise in one form or fashion every day this week. The weather is still a bit cool but that hasn’t stopped me from going on daily bike rides with the girls. Bridget and I, both write fiction stories and we have chats about our characters and where our stories are going while we ride our bikes. We’ve made a pact to have one story completed by the end of the summer each. Before we know it we’ll have ridden around the neighborhood for an hour chatting it up and peddling along. Penelope just rides along randomly shouting… “Bird!”… “Kitty cat!”… “That way!”.

We also have the neighborhood gardeners mapped out. I’ve been stalking their yards to see when they are planting their pumpkins and tomatoes. I had serious garden envy last year when I had planted everything by seed and had to wait for my plants to mature while they were already plucking fresh produce from their vines. That won’t happen this year. I’m just chomping at the bit to plant the rest of my warm weather plants.

I feel like I’m in a really good place right now. A lot of the time when I’ve made a conscious decision to lose weight I’ll tend to start to obsess over the things I shouldn’t be eating. With summer coming around the corner and the prospect of an amazing vegetable garden I’m just super excited about all of the fresh veggies I get to eat and all of the fun I get to have outside.

I can’t even tell you how excited I am for the beginning of Summer!

How did your first week go? Did you feel good about it or did you have to fight off some mental blocks? I always find the beginning stages the worst part. I tend to fight the whole process justifying why I shouldn’t have to make changes in my habits. But once I just give in to the process things just tend to fall into place and it no longer feels like a challenge… it’s just my new way of doing things.